and the world still goes slowly round as you try to sleep
by Emmel1118
Summary: 'The world won't stop for you just because you want it to, just because you want to stay in this perfect moment with nothing wrong, with the shadows of death and destruction far away, with crushing doubts and faces creased with worry banished.' - Remus/Tonks


_**a/n So this is the first time I'm writing for this fandom and this pairing so I'm a little nervous about getting things right, but hey! :) I was in a very angsty mood when I wrote this and I think it shows. I was also in a very poetic-y mood too, hence why this was written. I hope you like it as much as I enjoyed writing it!**_

_**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing! (Except the mistakes! They're all mine) :) **_

_and the world still goes slowly round as you try to sleep_

The morning light floods gently into the room as you lie there, your head pounding and aching. It's been a good half an hour since you woke up, and yet, sleep has not thought to grace you again. You turn and look at the sleeping beauty in the bed next to you and you wonder how you ever ended up here, in this life, when you have done nothing in your life to deserve it.

The woman sharing your bed with you gives a start in her slumber and mumbles something about hexing someone's balls off and you can't help but smile and hope that it's not you she's dreaming about. She looks so peaceful lying next to you, the lines of worry that are usually etched on her skin gone and a smile adorning her lips. She looks so young asleep, with all her doubts and fears removed from her shoulders.

You glance your reflection in a mirror that hangs on the back of the door and realise that even if she is free of worries, you are most definitely not. You're not young either, your years showing clearly in your features. But then you realise, that for this moment, it doesn't matter. The woman you love lies next to you, safe and sound, so for once, trapped in this perfect moment, you don't care about anything else.

But as the sun steals through the curtains into the dark room, you know that this moment, free from worry and doubt, cannot – and will not – last forever. You turn over, lying on your back, and stare at the ceiling. The world won't stop for you just because you want it to, just because you want to stay in this perfect moment with nothing wrong, with the shadows of death and destruction far away, with crushing doubts and faces creased with worry banished. She stirs next to you, and you know, even now, after only seconds have passed, things are coming to an end.

You close your eyes, and the world still goes slowly round as you try to sleep. The moment is gone, the world moving on, and everything comes flooding back. Your head is filled with both what the day ahead will bring, the danger for both you and her, and what time has already done to you. You remember the smiling faces of the dead – for everyone you used to love is dead – and you hope that this war will not steal another loved one from you. More specifically, the loved one asleep next to you.

"Stop brooding." The softly spoken words snap you out of your reverie. "It never means good things." She adds, a moment later, her eyes scrunched up because of the sun.

"I'm not brooding." You reply, staunchly, rolling over to face her. She laughs then, and you swear that the bright room gets even brighter – despite the fact that that isn't possible. Laughter can't light up the world, regardless of the fact you have always wished it could. The people you love – or should it be loved, you wonder, darkly, for as you mentioned earlier, everyone you love died – always laugh and you wish that it could save them – had saved them. But as everyone knows, humour doesn't stop death from coming calling.

"You're most definitely brooding, Remus." A teasing note has crept into her voice now, as you smile sadly at her. "Hey," She starts, reaching out a hand and putting it on your cheek. "don't look so miserable." You smile at her again.

"Sorry. Bad night." You reply, even though you slept right through until half an hour ago when you woke. You just don't want to tell her that you are thinking of all the bad things again. You know she doesn't like your pessimism. "We should be getting up." You say, but she speaks at the exact time and you only hear her words, your's drowned out.

"You've got that look in your eyes again." She's narrowing her eyes at you now and you curse the fact she can so easily read you and your emotions. It always surprises you how quick she is to pick up on things but then again, you are married – something that is so fresh and new, you still marvel at it.

"What look?" You play stupid, for you know full well what she means.

"You know what I mean." She's still staring at you and you nearly shiver, for you can see how much she cares about you in her eyes. It scares you – because of the aforementioned fact that everyone you love and who loves you in return dies. One by one they fell, and you love her too much for her to be added to that list, so maybe...

Maybe what? You should walk away? Leave her? Break her heart? Or stay and watch her die? You are stuck between two things you should never have to chose between and maybe a stronger man than you would easily make the decision to stay, come what may, but you are not strong, you are weak – a self-confessed coward. You have no faith in yourself. And why should you? What have you ever done, compared to your friends, compared to the woman who lies next to you, who risks her life every day to try and save the world?

"The look that scares me." She says, quietly. "The one that tells me you're doubting yourself again. Doubting us." She adds a moment later, their eyes meeting.

"Dora, I-"

"Don't." She says, her eyes darting away for a second. "You're my husband and I love you and if you walk away from me again I will..." She trails off, her half –finished threat hanging between them. "Just let go."

And you want to tell her that there would be nothing you'd love more than just to let go. But you can't. A war is raging outside your window and too many people have died. And that's before he gets on to who you are, _what_ you are. In your head, you repeat the words you told yourself so many times in the past: you're too old, too poor, and too dangerous.

And yet here you are, lying side by side, in bed, the early morning light shining in through the curtains. You married her. It was something you had to do, because you love her, but now, you are considering walking away from her for exactly the same reason.

And she knows it.

"Dora," You start. The world is still turning, taking your further and further away from that perfect moment when everything was okay, taking towards a hideously uncertain future, where death and destruction hides behind every corner. "I'll never leave you again." You say, because you want it to be true, even though you know you shouldn't promise her things that you are unsure about. You want to stay here, tucked up in bed, with your wife next to you, forever, but the world doesn't stop just because you want it to.

"I love you, Remus." She whispers quietly.

"I love you too." You reply. At least this time, the words that leave your mouth are true, and will be forever – whatever happens. You love her. Nothing can change that. Not being separated, not the war, not death.

Not even the world turning can change how you feel.

You rest your head back down on your pillow and sigh. The heart, eh? It does funny things.

...

_**Please review, it'll make my day! :) **_


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